"Some may never live, but the crazy never die."

birthday plans

2009-11-19T17:42:56Z

be in dallas for my birthday... leaving for my moms house as soon as i can on the 11th. going back late on the 13th. all are welcome at my mothers house. bring beer.

bummer

2009-09-26T05:13:30Z

I'm sorry i'm not her..

..or her....
or even her.

i'm me. but mostly i think you regret knowing that now.

you say i'm cute like it's all i've ever aspired to be.

fuck that.

Splish Splosh

2009-07-15T00:16:12Z

Got a meeting on the 25th about Beautifully Bound. I will most likely be doing Sploshing. Hehehe.. want a new fetish?

Sweets. of course. No spaghetti or anything silly.
Bring your pies, cakes, puddings, jello, candy, chocolate, whipped cream and peanut butter and come out to the event August 8th right here @ ANGLES in Oklahoma City!!!!

Fetish attire should be worn with regard to nudity laws.

So excited. there WILL be pictures. ^_^

well shit..

2009-07-14T02:14:55Z

When things are good, they're REALLY good i guess.

I got called in to my new job today.. I'm done with pizza. FOREVER. ^_^ you KNOW i mean it.

I got a call at about noon telling me my background check was done and i was free to show up today or tomorrow, so i went in as soon as i dropped krys off for work!!

I got to wear some editor slacks and HEELS!!!!!! hahahah i wore heels to work. my feet are fucking killing me, but i had to. at least once.

I've got... about 3 months of training to get through before i want to go down to Austin and have.. well.. quite a freaky time!!!

I've met some MORE people on fetlife. this time, down in Austin. Krys and i both want to do a dual suicide suspension and i've made friends with a little blonde girly who's daddy owns a tattoo shop down there and does suspensions himself. I've seen her and her girlfriends in pictures and they were both lovely. She passed out during hers.. which is likely what will happen to me!! who knows.

Then i could go see Scott and we could stay with him for a couple of days, Krys would get to see Austin for the very first time, we would both get some sweet ass temp mods and maybe do some other stuff.

either way... things are good. I think G.W. is going to take me out for coffee thursday to discuss friday's events. I'm excited and REALLY nervous about this party friday. It's formal fetish wear. WTF am i going to wear???

oh melissa i wish you were here with me!!! you could pick out my clothes and do my makeup and i wouldnt have to be so nervous!! ugh. i hate having to do EVERYTHING by myself. it just sucks mostly.

But things are good, i've got a new job, found a new scene, and am excited for everything to come soon. I can't say much else about my plans, they are too secret for public eyes!!!! But you guys know me. hahah

August 8th, come see me!!!

2009-07-12T09:22:14Z

Well... HireRight is officially the worst company i have ever dealt with.
I did everything asked of me in a MOST timely manner and STILL they could not complete a background check within a months time.
Therefore i will NOT be starting at AT&T Monday morning.
I'm going to have to wait another damn month until the next training class starts.
which means another month of 70$ work weeks and not being able to pay rent.... guh.

I feel SO undervalued around here.
I work my ass off, sweat my ass off, literally, in 93 degree heat because our GM wont get us a new AC unit even though the Health Dept. has already been out once to see that the matter gets taken care of.
I have been assured by Eddie that it WONT.
There are bugs everywhere (i've counted at least 6 different kinds of bugs)
i'm even starting to find little tiny frogs in the back by the mop sink?!!!
They are really cute, but NOT AROUND FOOD.

Although on the flip side of things, i will be taking part in a fetish show at a gay bar on the strip and i'm SUPER excited.
I'll either do some modeling (but probably not), i think i would rather do body paint or latex, or sploshing sounds like SO much fun.
We all know i love food.
I will be a human candy dish, dream come true? I think so.
Krys is mad because he has to work that night, but i'm sure there will be someone with a camera, i doubt i'll take the D80 since i'll be all by my lonesome and i won't know ANYONE.
I'm slightly nervous, but WAY more excited to get out and meet some of the "community".

A friend suggested i join a site called fetlife.com.
I'm sure you can imagine what it is. If not, don't try.
Anyway, i've already met a ton of people from around here that i want to get together with and i'm very happy with joining the site.

In a way... it makes me really happy to be out of dallas. New people, new things to explore, new parties to go to. New opportunities.

I love the night life. I want/need to be a part of it. Especially in a centrical sense. When the party revolves around me, life is oh so sweet. ^_^

I'm excited to get out and meet people. Anyone want to come up for the event?? It's Saturday August 8th. I'll let you know more as the date gets closer.

Today sucks...

2009-07-09T21:20:26Z

... it just really sucks.

I still don't have the job with AT&T. They called and woke me up this morning at 10 to tell me they needed the documents i ALREADY SENT THEM.
yes.. i AM sorry your husband had a heart attack and i AM sorry that you've been out of the office for two days, but isn't there someone who can take your place?? Because you've already called my current job to check my employment status there, which has prompted them to give me 10 or less hours a week, which DOES NOT pay rent. thanks.

So i've been awake since then and my boyfriend is still in bed asleep.. and i have no where to go. no money, no gas, no friends...
nothin.

I decided to clean the room around him in the dark with the TV on while he slept... finished that.. folded some clothes in the other room, smoked a cigarette.
Then i went out into the garage to get a drink and saw that a box of books was knocked over.

...so i start to pick them up and what falls out of the first journal i pick up?? Oh, just the greatest little thing to make my day...

a little piece of paper with kris' handwriting that says

'I LOVE MARY'.. then little girly handwriting below it
'I Love U2(not the band).'

So i just threw the books back on the ground.

i would go back to sleep but kris is hogging most of the bed.

i think i'm going to go lay down on the floor in the other room.

i wish i was at work today. it would be more fun than anything else that is available to me worth doing.

On the other hand i've been asked to participate in a fetish/fashion show. It's actually here in the city at a gay bar, so i'm considering it.

thats about the only good thing to happen to me recently.

i think my truck has a gas leak.

hooray.

An update of sorts

2009-06-30T23:52:31Z

I guess i forget about this thing mostly.

Stuff is going on.

I'm almost done with my background check for AT&T. The job starts on July 13th, and with any luck i'll be there!!

I'll be making 4 times what i (should) be making now and have health, dental and vision insurance.

My current boss knows i'm trying to find another job so i've been dicked over and only
work about... 10 hours a week. which hasn't even been enough to pay rent. I've been so broke it hurts. And bored.

So i've been making stuff. Per usual.

Got a bunch of clock workings and epoxy, which has been a lot of fun.

I really wish i felt comfortable setting up my account on Etsy, but i'm kind of waiting for kris to get photoshop so he can make me some kick ass banners. and i want to have a decent collection going by the time i open shop.
I'm trying to get a theme going, and it's leaning a lot towards steampunk... we'll see.

Finally went swimming with Rachel and her kiddos, which was awesome. Kylie loves the little boat and it's REALLY cute.

Haven't really gotten out lately, but soon i'll have the money to go to some shows, hopefully make it to Beautifully Bound @ Angles in a couple of weeks.

Still trying to make some friends up here.
So far Rachael and Jason are just the best. She always cooks the best food for us..
and they are two super sweet people who love to just kick it and play video games.
Always good times with them.

Gosh.. i guess the weather is getting bad.. i can never tell around here. I thought Texas weather was crazy.... no. it's not.

But the sky here is just fucking beautiful. One of the SINGLE redeeming qualities of this state.
oh well. There are worse places i could be ;]

I miss every single one of you motherfuckers, but hopefully i'll be able to make more frequent visits to town once i've gotten myself a new job.

I'm just waiting for one last call from AT&T... just one.

Wish me luck that it's almost over.

Things have been getting shittier at my current job, but i'm hoping it's the bottom i've hit before i start working my way up again.

The higher you climb, the windier it gets.
gotta learn to bend without breaking.

learning.loving.leaving.

chaos_n_control @ 2009-04-28T15:41:00

2009-04-28T20:36:42Z

Well i've been sneezing for days now. i hate it.

how can such a small change in latitude affect my head in such a horrendous way!?

Funker Vogt was amazing.

So was getting to see Jenny. Too bad there was no DRo or JCro.

VNV Nation. Monday. July 27th. BE THERE!! ... i will.

mmmm.. food.

i think my slushie needs more rum.

chaos_n_control @ 2009-04-05T12:42:00

2009-04-05T17:37:54Z

So i guess i'm about to go sit in a parking lot for 3 hours. by myself. so they can have an open house.

i have no money.. there are no good parks here, i have no friends that live close enough to visit....

literally nothing to do. i guess i could go to the bookstore and read for... 3 hours... but usually all of their chairs are taken up in the middle of the day..

i'm angry. and my boyfriend spent all the money on food.

... i am angry.

update update update

2009-03-30T19:08:10Z

I woke up covered in glue this morning. i went E6000 crazy when i got home from work last night and i guess i passed out before really cleaning up.

now i've got THE CUTEST little hair clips with tiny black bows and halloween themed pieces on the,. 2 have skulls, one has a bat, one a headstone, another has a little tiny witches hat. SO CUTE!!
they were just old buttons

went antique shopping the other day and bought three little pieces to use once i get some nice nice feathers.

Two are little bees from the 1950s.

fuck. i can't type today. i keep adding extra letters and shit ha.

oo0h. i also got a new zippo. it's got a purple and gold Ganesh on it. VERY pretty.

umm.. found a little shop that i might want to sell my hair clips in. the ladies were very lovely and part of all their proceeds go to certain charities for women.

also STILL have yet to set up an etsy store. I have the account already, i just need to set it up, but I want to have enough stuff to list a nice shop when i do. I should do that tonite.
...if i don't forget.

Lets see..

O00h! Going to be in Dallas for Funker Vogt!! And then again for Depeche Mode. Jordan is going with us to that show and we have really good seats. i'm excited.

We are not going to go to The Faint and Ladytron. We decided to pass that up since it was on the same weekend as Funker vogt AND Dr.Dog. which i may or may not go see.

well.. my boyfriend is chewing with his mouth open again. loudy. so i have to go punch him in the face before i take him to work.

lightning and thunder.

2009-03-10T02:10:31Z

the weather is warm and beautiful. There will be storms tonite and i'm excited. The wind here is crazy.

It was warm when i came and now the seasons are turning that way again. I've been here 7 months now.. geez...

I don't work much anymore.
Not that i care. It's mind numbing business anyhow.

I make just enough to cover my bills and gas.. which is okay with me.

Still no friends up here really.. but i haven't ventured out much into the culture... only into the countryside.
Every time i go somewhere it seems to be to get away from people, not to be closer to them.

Though there are some cute boys up here i must say!!
.. Not that it matters, i live with the only boy i need (for now anyway).

boy. boi.. boys. meh.

Jordan is coming up next week instead of going to Austin since we forgot it's SXSW and neither of us have the money for shows. We're just going to bum around with the D80 for awhile and a big book of crafty type stuff. hooray!

I get paid Friday before she comes so that will be good.

also.. i'm a ChaCha guide now. It's not a lot of money but it's extra income. you know.

gosh! I'm sweating!!!... it's cigarette time. 9 pm and i haven't had one all day!!

i also enjoyed eating ramen the other day. should i be worried for my health? haha

what i wouldn't give for a home cooked meal right NOW.

::sigh::

you must drink a lot of coffee being a priest and all...

2009-02-26T21:36:15Z

soooooooooo.. i almost got arrested last night.

ha!

.. the key word being "ALMOST".... but here i am... home. not wanting to ever drive again.

It was stupid anyway and i had only had 3 guinness and an irish car bomb on top of eating dinner as well.

and by dinner i mean a caesar salad and a piece of chocolate cake

NEVER THE LESS!!....

the cop was a general asshole about things and seemed really annoyed the whole time.. probably because he knew i wouldn't blow a .06 but wanted to get me for something anyway. So he made me do these stupid sobriety tests that angered me and made me feel stupid.

but then he let me go... soooo

neener neener nnneeeeeeeener!!
:p

bored...headache... D80

2009-02-19T03:19:53Z

hrmm.. i'm really bored. i don't work for 3 days in a row.. it makes me feel like i don't have a job.

also.. my head hurts. i can feel my heartbeat in my FACE.. ugh

scored some greens!! finally......

Also got a tablet for my computer. nothin fancy, just a little something to play around with..

speaking of playing around.. i think i'm going to take the D80 out now and play with it's bulb setting while watching cars drive down the road. hrmm. wish i had a tripod. then i could get some lovely photos of the stars

bart sold his soul and that's just swell, now he's going straight to hell

2009-02-15T19:39:10Z

I want Wahaha for lunch.

Not only for some veggie chow mien but ALSO for a MANGO MILKSHAKE!! with tapioca... mmmmm.

speaking of Mango Milkshakes.. we went and saw Coraline the other night. it was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!!!
They might be Giants did a good portion of the music for it i believe, but i didn't know this until after we saw it, so we are going to go see it again, but in 3-D the next time!!

I don't feel that good as of recent. my throat is itchy and my eyes have been all red and watery. i suppose it's that time of year though. bah!!

I went out yesterday and bought more hair to make some red and maroon striped dreads. I also bought some rexlace to add to the ones i already made. i got pink, green, black and GLOW IN THE DARK! I got a huge spool of glow in the dark.

Kris is putting my 'little black girl' <--- his words not mine, hair clips in his hair... :/ not sure why

but it's kinda cute.

mm.. i'm going to go now. my back hurts from sitting like this and i want to play with my tablet.

stuff..

2009-02-12T05:38:55Z

Yay! D80!!

Also.. yay Spore
and also hooray new headphones!

... :/
eiehehehehe

also.. rip- lux interior.

:*[

soon... i will have sweeties!!!

.. been craving candy for DAYS now and haven't had ANY.... i'm losing it man~!

this is what i've been doing...

2009-02-09T23:51:28Z

many hours have gone into this piece. and many more hours are yet to go into it!

yeah.. sooo.. that's what i've been up to.
When i get paid i'll be adding more things to it, like rexlace and maybe some foam pieces.

hahaha.. uhm.. and i think my boyfriend just got approved for an 1800 best buy card, so we might buy a D80 tomorrow haha. ummm.. asshole. i totally wanted that for myself.

alive and definitely kicking... kinda hungry too!

2009-02-01T19:14:51Z

I blame my boss for these dreams.. but last night i was apparently trying to sleep with the drummer for guns n roses.... which i guess we'll go with steven adler.
they've had a few drummers and it was never very clear as to WHICH drummer it was.. so we'll pick the one who's appearing on celebrity rehab.

god damn it. my boyfriend wants to not go to work today. why can't i? It's the superbowl and all these important people are going to be there, and all my clothes are dirty because trey only gave me one shirt and i can't wash ONE OUTFIT every night.. not that i'm a fucking tree hugger or anything but that is a SUPER big waste of water and energy.

maybe i'll actually shave my legs today and wear some capris.. HA!... yeah right. although i do own a nice pair....

i suppose i could pull a paul and just wear my socks all the way up to my knees. it IS warmer that way. and they are cute argyle socks from express that are green and grey..

i've totally been wearing kris' socks since i moved here. They are cute and nice and i'm sure his mommy bought them for him.
I only have one pair of socks.. which are pink, and have lollipops on the side. ^_^

this post is about nothing really.
i'm achey and sore from working and not sleeping good unless i'm eating xanax.. which i must admit i do far too often. kris had a valid question when he asked what i would do if he didn't have a RX for it..ehhh

you know how like.. bands write songs about things and then people start throwing those things at them onstage???

Well i'm going to have a band and sing about nothing but specific types of candy so that when i perform all people throw at my is candy. but i'll have to wear body armor, so i don't end up like bowie with a lollipop stuck in my eye. ugh. go check THAT video out on youtube...

hmm.. i'm going to dress myself now and possibly take a shower.

Go Check this out

2009-01-02T05:21:46Z

My beautiful new years eve celebration in Austin can be seen in this video.. goodbye 2008!!!

Bettie Page

2008-12-12T04:29:30Z

how sad! bettie page died today !!

chaos_n_control @ 2008-12-05T15:58:00

2008-12-05T21:56:15Z

interior crocodile alligator i drive a chevrolet movie theatre.

A few words on the glorious and apparently pancake filled (or not) state of Texas.

2008-11-15T20:22:28Z

As i was reading late last night in my psuedo texas history type book.. i found there were several reasons early pioneers moved to the Peters Colony and surrounding areas.

One couple from Kentucky described being told that "Texas was a land of milk and honey, and in the middle of this land stood a tree of pancakes.
However when we arrived we found the cakes in a state of invisibility"

..... probably eating weird plants again.

This book is seriously a riot. I paid way too much for it, but i'm glad i bought it. I didn't think i would read it cover to cover, but i have.

As for that pancake tree, i hear it's actually in southern Oklahoma. The syrup tree however is somewhere far west of here.

chaos_n_control @ 2008-11-13T16:08:00

2008-11-13T22:24:41Z

Two days off.

no money. no REAL food.

drawer full of candy and snack food though.

...no soda :,[

but i could drive 30 seconds to my work and get a free one i suppose.
I hope tonya is working tonite. She loves my poor ass and would be more than willing to let me make some food off the clock.

Kris had his... thing... done.
Got 30 Darvocet for it!!! but he only has one left. At first you couldn't even tell where the cut was, but now that it's a little less swollen you can see about a quarter inch long incision.

and dude.. THEY TOTALLY LET ME WATCH!... it was kind of awesome. it didn't make me sick or anything. it was almost.. and this is terrifying... enjoyable??

just the fact that someone would do this for me.. i can't explain how it makes me feel. I had mixed emotions about it before the deed was done, but now i feel nothing but love and admiration for him. I don't think i could have done it. i'm even too selfish for that.

Looking for a ton of movies and CDs that i can't find anywhere around here.

DBX- both albums
Grizzly Bear
ANY Les Claypool
Sleepytime Gorilla Museum of natural history

movies

SUSPIRIA!!!
In Bruges
Videodrome
any Kenneth Anger
Sick
There will be blood.. which i can probably find anywhere around here.

I haven't explored much, or found a good used CD store yet, but i've been broke and working. it's getting better and easier.

Learning my way around.

miss you bitches. .. some of you anyway.

chaos_n_control @ 2008-10-24T17:23:00

2008-10-24T22:28:40Z

... or they could hold my paycheck for lack of sufficient forms of identification other than a drivers license....

...??? I hate everything right now. i don't get to go to dallas this weekend and i'm working until 1 am or later on halloween.

always bend over for the end of october.

2008-10-20T07:20:30Z

^_^

i am becoming sentient.

fuckin holy fuckin hell!!

Disturbathon is on the 25th this year, and all willing, i WILL be there. may even go naked if i'm that strapped for cash. don't fuckin care. just want to be there. bad bad bad.

going to get down and dirty like never before.

best be there, or you will be squaaaaaaare!

See me in town on the 24th. leavin early early on the 26th. kris has to be back at work by 3 pm that sunday. probably not sleeping saturday night. whatevs.

NIGHT COMETH!

d.thon.

2008-10-19T21:39:00Z

i had almost decided that Tulsa was good enough for halloween night.. but then i got that damned phone call.

i had a terrible day yesterday... but... now i'm giddy as a spring chicken.. are spring chickens giddy?? surely.. it's spring and they can galavant around without being cold. that makes me giddy anyway.

i sent dustin an invite, and if anyone else would like one (who can ACTUALLY attend) i have 8 left. ONLY EIGHT. so if you seriously want to go, let me know and i'll send you one, in the form of a phone number you wont recognize. so fucking pick it up bitches.

i wonder if i'll even have the money to go. i may not.. but.. then i'll just be depressed for the rest of the year. blah. whatever.

i'm excited but at the same time i don't want to think about it.